worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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