i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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