So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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