margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
