Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
