Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize