I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
