I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
