Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize