So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
