you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize