I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
