If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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