Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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