OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
