dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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