why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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