someone threw a dead crab at me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
