I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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