What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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