Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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