I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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