so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need a burrito and a hug.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
