All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i think i just lost a toe
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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