"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
