a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
