Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The feeling are messing with the penis
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
