I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize