Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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