...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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