I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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