kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
