oh god the rape fog is back!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
