The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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