you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
