we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
