apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
