Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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