So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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