I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
