Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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