If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
