i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
