the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
