I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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