Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
