To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
