1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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