I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
