ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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