How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
