Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
