Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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