I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
