i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
