You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
