Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
