I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
