does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
