You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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