In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
