i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
