I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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