We're facebook friends in real life
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize