Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize