Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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