I cannot find my penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
