can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
