By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
