do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
