he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
