Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
