Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
