one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
