he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
