There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
