What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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