omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
