we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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