I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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