Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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